Dammit

It has been a few weeks since I have written anything. I am just so tired all the time. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of this path. I just want this year to be over and to be cancer free. 

During my low immunity I caught a little cold and I have been running a fever for over a week. My blood has been tested and it isn't a bacterial infection but just a virus. The problem with a virus for any if us is that they linger forever. When you are going through chemo you double that recovery time. It sucks! But I know that when this is all over I will be able to look back and remember my strength. I will remember that I can do hard things. I can feel sick and still work and do laundry and pick up the house and teach primary, etc. I can fall down and pull myself together and I will be stronger from these struggles. 

But in the meantime it doesn't make it any easier. Thanks to my support system I can get through my days and when I don't want to pick myself up I will get a loving text or a sweet card or small gift that reminds me that I am not alone. Thank you. And in those days when it just doesn't seem like there is an end insight I can be mad and vent. 

MiKell gave me this super cute doll to get me through those days. It is a dammit doll! 

"Whenever things don't go so well,

And you want to hit the wall and tell, 

Here's a little dammit doll,

That you can't do without. 

Just grasp it firmly by the legs

And find a place to slam it. 

And as you whack the stuffing out

Yell "Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!"