Cancer is AGGRESSIVE.....Trying hard to be brave

Today was our appointment with our oncologist. And emotions are running ragged. When we arrived at our appointed they told us to valet our car. Joey was so nervous and trying to be so BRAVE. He has done city tours many times and driven people up to the Huntsman Center and told them about our amazing doctors and care that we have in Utah. And now here he was driving his wife up there to receive her treatment and he was so flustered that as he got out of the car he forgot to put the car in park and the car almost made it's way into the valet stand!!! But luckily for us we are always ready to laugh at our mistakes and realize there are sometimes when it is just hard to be Brave. 

We met our caretaker, Anne. And she is amazing!! She stayed with us for our entire visit. Our nurse, Rosie, met with us and our oncologist, Dr. John Ward. They were amazing. They reviewed our diagnosis with us and the word I heard said over and over was AGGRESSIVE. 

It made me want to cheer:

Be Aggressive.... B....E....Aggressive!!! 

It's like the cancer cells have little cheerleaders with black pom poms rooting the bad cells on. 

I have a grade 2 tumor and it is stage II B. Because it is aggressive we have to do a petscan on Friday to make sure it hasn't spread elsewhere in my body. If it has they can only try to get the cancer in remission but there is no cure. So I need my cheerleaders to start cheering with their pom poms (or praying):

We got spirit... We got class

We got spirit....Gonna kick cancer's @$#

And so it begins. We do an echocardiogram on Thursday to make sure my heart can take the chemo. And we meet with the surgeon after that. And the plan is we place a port surgically on Monday. This is because my chemo will be 18 weeks and I will be Herceptin as an infusion for a year. Within that time surgery will take place and once the tissues are healed from the surgery we will do radiation. Needless to say it will be a long year and I need all my cheerleaders to keep me Brave. Both Joey and I have cried together tonight. It is hard when you see the time frame and reality set in. (It did help our night that both of our fantasy football teams won!)

I think in my warped sense of organization and time I thought that having cancer would be just an item on my do list: go to work, buy groceries, drive the kids to practice, beat cancer..... I thought it would just smoothly fit in and that I could still do it all! But now I am facing three days already away from work and that is even before the first chemo treatment. They did say I would lose my hair in about 3-4 weeks.  So I need to go wig shopping this week..... Anne took us to see the chemo treatment room and it was all too real. 

But the day didn't end there. I went back to work to parent/teacher conferences and Joey went to take care of our kids. Tender mercy.... Holly, my sister, had dinner at my house before Joey got back from the doctors. And it was delicious and it just made it so much easier to fall into other when I finally got home.  I needed to come home and process with my husband as he looks into my eyes with tears welling up in puddles in the corners of his eyes as he tells me that he doesn't want to see me hurt. He doesn't want me to go through this. That he wishes he could take the cancer from me.  Don't you love that when you look into your husband's eyes you can feel the love just from how he looks at you...Tonight we are just holding our kids tight and leaning into each other. We need tonight and then tomorrow we will rally our cheerleaders and be brave once again.

Bountiful High students make me BRAVE

I had to really think about whether or not to tell my students that I was fighting cancer.  They may be high school kids, but they are really still vulnerable, scared kids.  And cancer is a scary thing at any age, but even harder when you are young.  But I knew that I would be going through physical changes and that might be scary for them without understanding.  I also feel that although I am going to try to teach as many days as possible I may not be on my A game on some days.  I think that if they understand the reason they might be a little more forgiving.  The students were awesome and responded with courage and hope.  A few asked me if I was going to die.  It was easy to answer because I know that I will survive.
Last week I had students that started to ask what they could do for me.  Of course there isn't much they can do except pray and have my back, but then I thought about the strength that teenagers have through their trials.  What makes these Bountiful Braves BRAVE?
Music is their answer for everything. 
When they are sad- they have song that makes them BRAVE.
When they are exercising- they have a song that makes them keep going.
When they are gearing up for a game or the day- they have a song that pumps them up.
When they want to express love- they have a song that fits perfectly.
So I asked the song experts to make me a playlist.  I put all my dry erase markers in the front of the room and told them to go for it! I did get some songs that were not quite appropriate for Fighting Cancer: "Bump and Grind", "Let's get it on", "Suicidal thoughts". . . . But I expected a little crazy from my over 200 students.  But I had some amazing songs: "Roar", "Lean on Me", "Stronger", "Child of God". . . . obviously my board was full of songs.  And everytime I looked up from my desk I saw and felt the support of my students.  Their songs will make me BRAVE!

Pulling at my heart strings. . . . .

Bountiful High School has a daycare facility onsite where educators can bring their children while they teach.  I love these cute kids.  My kids are grown and so I don't have any kids in the daycare, but I do have a window in my classroom that looks out over the playground where they play during the day.  Sometimes I throw candy out my window to the kids!  And often when the kids are on walks around the school they will stop by my classroom and get a treat.  They brighten my day each time I see them.  It is awesome to be walking to the front office and see the kids in the hallway and have them run up to see you and give you a giant hug!
I usually can hold my emotions together while I am at work.  I try to stay strong and not cry.  But last week I lost it as the daycare kids came into my classroom carrying pictures that they had drawn for me. . .  Get well cards!! They each gave me a hug and told me to get better.  I couldn't talk for fear of my voice cracking and tears flowing.  They don't know what is wrong, only that I am sick.  But they wanted to make me smile and to help me feel better.  I am so blessed to have these BRAVE little kids on my team!

Music touches us all

Our kids love music. Of course if you know Greyden and Gage you know that music is at their core. And Mikayla is much the same. She sometimes can't express her emotions verbally as well as a song can say things for her. So she had me listen to Martina McBride's song. 

What a powerful song! And the video is even stronger. The first time she played it I was driving on the freeway and the song starts out with a 38 year old mom of 3 young kids that gets the news from her doctor that she has cancer. I was struggling to see the lanes on the freeway as the tears spilled down my cheeks. But the message is powerful: I can be BRAVE because my loved ones, my friends, my neighbors.... They are going to love me through this!

Watch her video here:

http://youtu.be/ZYNOXRifXKQ

My weaknesses

This is the one post where I confess my weaknesses.  It is very humbling to sit down and confess to the world what faults you have and the struggles you know you will have in the next few months.  But I think that expressing them might make me more aware of my weaknesses so that perhaps I can try to conquer them and learn a lesson from them.
I am vain.  Yup! I said it.  I don't want to lose my hair or my eyelashes.  And I don't want to look like a cancer patient.  Shallow as that is, they are real feelings.  Maybe my lesson is that looks are not important. 
I feel SO guilty.  I am not sure why I feel guilt.  No one asks for cancer.  But I have waited a lifetime for the man of my dreams.  And Joey has been my husband for 7 months.  And I get cancer!  Guess what honey?  You married someone who would get cancer right after you get married.  How fair is that?  It makes me feel so guilty.  And I want to tell him how sorry I am for getting cancer. I have probably said ten times to Joey how sorry I am, but each time he reminds me how much he loves me and that I am worth every battle.  That he loves me so completely and we have such deep love and trust that even the hardest times are better than a life without me.  I guess looking back on how quickly we fell in love I feel that God put him in my life for a reason.  And if there is a lesson or a high note in this it is that after this we will feel like we have been married for years!
I am stubborn.  This could either work for me or against me.  I can be stubborn and fight cancer.  But I can be stubborn and try to do things myself without asking for help.  I need to learn patience and I need to be more easy going.
I need to accept help.  Why is this so hard? Someone please help me with this one.  Already I have people offering to help in any way possible and my reaction is to say no and to just do things on our own.  But I know that I will have to have help.  I need to accept others serving me.  I just struggle with this. 
I am a control freak.  I want to be in charge of the kids and their schedules.  I like to do laundry so that is done my way.  I do the grocery shopping because I do the cooking.  I like to clean because I want it done my way. I guess my lesson is to chill out or find some awesome medication that will let me chill out!
So do we only acknowledge our weaknesses in times of trials and when we are faced with medical sentences that make you evaluate your life? I think my overall lesson is that I should have been working on bettering myself all along rather than waiting for a cancer verdict to prompt me to change.  How do you fix your weaknesses and make them strengths?

The Cancer Expert. . . . I call him Dad :)

My dad is a very calm, rational man.  He is also one of the smartest individuals that I know.  I remember as a high school student I would do anything to NOT have him help me with my math.  He didn't want to show me how to do each problem; he wanted me to understand the reasoning behind how each math problem worked. Blah!
My dad is my hero.  When he was younger he started working for a company and their focus was to try to find a cure for cancer. And one night while he was sleeping. .  (you might call it a dream, inspiration, a vision) he knew that he could use microwaves to help treat cancer.  Keep in mind this is me speaking in layman's terms, but now he has so many patents to his name and they use his inventions, in conjunction with radiation, to treat certain types of tumors and cancers.  Most of his inventions are pending FDA approval, but they use them overseas all the time. 
So needless to say, my dad knows people who know people who know cancer.  And it is interesting to watch him in his new role.  He is for sure playing the protective father.  He is hugging me more. He is more quiet.  I can see worry creeping across his forehead.  But he is also my source of information and the person that Joey and I lean on to give us guidance on my treatment. 
He has reached out to personal friends of his that are doctors in the field and in that process can in touch with a neighbor of Joey's from Farmington.  We feel like we have so many people looking out for my treatment and care that we are often overwhelmed.  But the feelings are joyous and gracious. 
My dad is sending us research everyday by email so that we become more knowledgeable through this process and can make the best decisions for my prognosis.  He even is guiding us by reminding me to stock my classroom with anti-bacterial gel and making sure that we have thought through everything. 
I feel so grateful that I have the most amazing dad in the world.  Not only does he love me and want to cure me, but he wants to love and cure the world.  And I get to call him Dad!

Click here to watch my dad's company in the news:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEVzLvbmmBE

New cancer treatment available in SWFL

Posted: Aug 03, 2011 3:22 PM MDT Updated: Aug 03, 2011 4:45 PM MDT

 

FORT MYERS - Owen McAndrews 87 years old. The WWII veteran is the first cancer patient to be treated in South Florida with the BSD-500 Hyperthermia System.
21st Century Oncology in Fort Myers is the first healthcare provider in South Florida to offer Hyperthermia treatment.  The only other Hyperthermia facilities in Florida are in Hudson and Jacksonville, according to BSD Medical, the system's vendor.
"They tried radiation about 2-3 years ago and that didn't do anything to correct it," said the basal cell carcinoma patient.
The tumors have literally eaten away at his face. This year, doctors gave him another option to complement his radiation - the hyperthermia system.
The machine doesn't have to be used exclusively. Hyperthermia can be combined with chemotherapy and other methods depending on your doctor.  It's typically used with radiation to target cells radiation can not kill.
Doctors are using hyperthermia combined with radiation to treat Owen.
"The radiation kills a lot of the cells, and Hyperthermia--the heat--kills a lot of cells the radiation has trouble getting to," said Dr. Daniel Daniel Dosoretz, with 21st Century Oncology. "You will get two punches instead of one punch. That's the principle."
Right now, 21st Century Oncology is now the only healthcare provider in all of south Florida with the hyperthermia technology.
"It's like a microwave. They turn it on. It brings the heat," said McAndrews.
The treatment scope, for now, is limited to tumors and cancer cells close to the skin's surface.
"Today, we are limited to treat cells that we can heat close to the surface," said Dr. Dosoretz. "As we develop new equipment, we're gonna be treating deeper structures, too."
McAndrews recently completed went through what doctors hope is his 10th and final hyperthermia treatment.
By Paul Gessler

Flowers brighten up a rainy day!

One of my greatest sources of comfort throughout this process has been my mother-in-law.  What an odd word that is. . . . mother-in-law.  We should call it mother-in-love.  I truly love MiKell.  She has been through this and is a breast cancer SURVIVOR.  She is BRAVE! The other night she stopped by with Moe and they brought these gorgeous flowers.  It had been raining all day.  I had been retelling my cancer story all day long.  I was feeling down.  How can these flowers not brighten your spirit?
It is amazing how much I love her after such a short time.  I truly feel that I have been waiting to be part of her life.  She is beautiful, smart, and yet so grounded and real.  She keeps things in perspective and I love being able to talk to her.  I would have never wanted to say that I'm glad I could share having breast cancer with her. . . . . but I am so happy that she is always there for me and can relate to so many of the feelings and things that I am experiencing.  What a blessing she is in my life- just like these flowers on a rainy day!

My BRAVE mom

My mom is my best friend.  We enjoy the same shows.  We like the same food.  We could even finish each other's thoughts.  I cannot begin to understand what it is like to watch your child find out they have cancer.  I know that as a parent I want to protect my children and I would do anything to help them.  You want to save them from the pain and if you could you would take it away from them.  She can't take this away, but she does the thing that she does best.  She serves me! My mom is the best example of service.  She has been to my house twice this week to weed in our yard.  She can't take away the cancer.  And she can't guard and protect me as she once did when I was a child, but she can serve with her heart and her hands. 

“The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.”
― Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes

She is so worried.  She had a mammogram scheduled on the same day that they sent me to Huntsman Cancer Center.  The night we talked to my parents she cried that it should be her with the cancer and not me.  She was older and I was still so young.  She was in denial and just couldn't stop the worry.  I love this quote because I think it helps us remember that when we serve others it is often the person serving who benefits the most.  My mom needed to do something to help and it was so appreciated.  I don't need her to week the yard.  (Isn't that what husbands are for?) I need her to call after a long day at work; I need her to chat about the most recent episode of "Dancing with the Stars"; I need her to help me remember a family recipe; I need her to be my mom.  And she is the BRAVEST mom I know. 

How did I get cancer?

http://on.aol.com/video/woman-claims-cell-phone-caused-breast-cancer-517814068


I guess no one ever really knows why they get cancer and this is the million dollar question. I guess this is my public service announcement.  For YEARS, I have been putting my cell phone in my bra.  It was more convenient and I didn't see any harm in it.  My tumor is right where my cell phone has been sitting for years.  Doctors cannot make the claim that cell phones are causing cancer for obvious legal reasons.  We have ruled out genetic, hormonal reasons for my cancer.  I know in my gut that my cancer was caused because I kept my cell phone in my bra.  If you know anyone who does this encourage them to put it in their purse.  I may never have the answer to my question, but maybe I can prevent someone else from ever having to ask how they got cancer.

Tucking Cell Phone in Bra May be Connected to Breast Cancer

Date: 06/11/2013

Young women all over the country are tucking their cell phones in their bras. New sports bras even have a handy pocket for a cell phone.

Tiffany Frantz never thought slipping her cell phone into her bra could be putting her life in danger. But now she says, “A cell phone may have caused my breast cancer.”

For five years, Tiffany, who lives in Pennsylvania, kept her cell phone in her bra against her bare skin. “All day, every day, 12 hours a day,” she said.

Tiffany found it more convenient than keeping it in a purse. “Someone called, I'd answer, text right back. Tuck it right back in.”

Then Tiffany noticed a small lump in her breast. The lump got bigger. A biopsy was performed, and the diagnosis was devastating.

“They said it was breast cancer,” said her mom, Traci. “To hear that about your 21-year-old daughter is mortifying.”

Tiffany underwent a mastectomy on her left breast.

“Death was the first thing that popped in my mind,” she said.

Tiffany was a healthy 21-year-old with no family history of breast cancer or any other genetic pre-disposition. So could it have been a cell phone?

“I absolutely believe that storing her cell phone in her bra gave her cancer,” said Traci. “No doubt.”

Traci read the fine print in her family's cell phone manuals. “It’s in black and white.” She read, “Keep it 5/8 of an inch or more away from your body.”

Dr. John West, a Los Angeles breast cancer surgeon, said, “This is a real problem now.  If I were a mother, I'd be scared because I know this is common behavior among these teenage girls. They hide it in their bra.”

Dr. West looked into Tiffany's case. He said, "You would not expect to see this in any 21-year-old ever."

Mom Traci said, “The masses were right under the skin where she would have kept her cell phone.”

Dr. West says breast tissue in teens is particularly vulnerable to radiation. “In my heart of hearts, I know something is going on. I can't say they're causing the breast cancer, but I absolutely can say with passion, that until we get more information, stop! stop! stop!”

Now 23, Tiffany had reconstructive breast surgery and is still undergoing chemotherapy. She warns women to make the bra a no phone zone.

 “If it happened to me it could happen to anybody,” she said.

It's important to note that Tiffany's cell phone was completely shut down while she was demonstrating where she kept it, so she wasn't in any danger. And while Tiffany believes she knows what caused her cancer, there are no studies that conclusively link cell phones to breast cancer.

™ & © 2013 Inside Edition Inc. All Rights Reserved.

There are perky days in your future!

I lean on my family every day for support, but my teaching friends deal with me 8 hours every day for 5 days every week.  This is the card they gave me this week.  I was overwhelmed with the kindness, love and humor.  I found that humor is often the best medicine for dealing with trials.  The inside of the card had messages like:
"Perky days are in your future!"
"We are your support!"
I mean if you can't have a little fun when you have breast cancer. . . . . .
I love where I work.  I have actually never hated a place where I have worked.  I have made incredible lifelong friends throughout my career.  Teachers are an odd bunch.  We tend to correct strangers in the grocery store when they are out of line.  We aren't afraid to start up a conversation with random people in public places.  We have our quirks.  But one thing that we know how to do is support each other when we face challenges. 
My teaching bubbies help me stay positive.  They let me vent when I need to blow off steam. Jami showed up the day after my diagnosis with bracelets that say "i heart boobies".  We wear our bracelets and I know they have my back.  I might need them to take one of my classes, help me plan my lesson for the day, cover for me while I run to the bathroom to puke, give me an Odwalla nutrition drink instead of a Diet Coke, or maybe just give me a big hug!  I have an awesome support team at Bountiful High School.  Go Braves!  BRAVE ON!

My Brave Girl!

'My BRAVE'- Actually my amazing wife graduated from Woods Cross High School so technically she is a "Wildcat"... she does however teach "BRAVES' at Bountiful High. I have never met a person so purely and honestly dedicated to her students!  She is incredible, amazing, resilient. and a powerful role model! She believes that being a strong woman is part of her responsibility and identity as an educator! Lisa and I married just seven months ago... It was very fast, but so RIGHT! I have NEVER felt such conviction and confirmation with anyone who has been part of my life! ! We brought two amazing families together and have been inseparable since! I love my Girl! I know that this challenge will not just strengthen us, but, will give us an opportunity to serve! We are very grateful for all of you that have been present and supportive! We hope that through this blog we can make sure we keep all of you informed! Please send your love for Lisa and know that we value your encouragement! Thank you for being part of our life!
                            - Joey

We are ready for WAR

September 26
Now is the time to prepare for battle.  We meet with the Oncologist on Monday.  And we see the surgeon on Thursday.  I asked why we would see the Oncologist first and I was told that I would be doing chemotherapy before surgery.  This is where I take a deep breath and find my Brave face.
Chemo scares me-
I don't want to throw up all the time.
I don't want to lose my hair.
I don't want to lose my eyelashes- (if you know me well, you know this for sure!)
I am scared of how to work and be a mom and go through chemo.
I am already scatterbrained. . . I don't want to have 'chemobrain'.
But this is when you prepare for battle and determine that you will be Brave!
I asked my students to help me make a playlist of songs that will get me through and I had so many different songs.  They were so awesome to think about what song they love that would help their teacher. 
I talked to my nurse at Huntsman today.  I had questions that were unanswered and it was killing me to wait until Monday.  She told me that I was ER negative and PR negative and HER positive.  This isn't the greatest news since it means I have the most aggressive form of breast cancer.  But it is only in Stage II so we caught it in the early stages.  But hormone therapy isn't the cure, chemo is the recommended course. 
This was hard news to swallow even though I already had prepared myself for this.  I guess it just makes things more real when it is on paper and staring at you on a test report from the doctor's office.  As I was finishing my day today I was watching one of our special education students that is mostly wheelchair bound trying to walk down the hall at school.  I thought to myself. . .  (stealing Angela Gardner's thoughts) "If he can do that surely I can do hard and challenging things." So I put on my Brave face and prepare for battle.  And Sara Bareilles gives me my war chant:

You can be amazing   I can be amazing.  I can do this.

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave   I will show how BRAVE I can be.

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

 I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down  We all do hard things.  We all have courage.
By the enemy                                                                     CANCER is my ENEMY.
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing                I am scared and sometimes want to hide.
Bow down to the mighty                                                    What an awesome line- trust in God.
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue                                  Face the battle-
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live         There is a cure.  My doctors will help!
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in                I will be cancer free again!
 Show me how big your brave is                                         I will show you my BRAVE!

 Innocence, your history of silence                             I have had hard times, but this time I'll fight loud
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?                                             Hiding alone won't be good. 
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?                       This blog is my way of telling the truth about cancer

 I wanna see you be brave!                                        Here we go. . . . . I'm ready for WAR!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4

Not so Brave over the weekend

September 23-
Have you ever waited for days and days for test results? Knowing that in the pit of your stomach that something isn't quite right. . .. .
Thursday was long.
Friday was longer.
Saturday was even longer.
Sunday was unbearable.
By the time I got home from work on Monday I was almost in a full panic attack.  I had called up to the Huntsman Center three times that day.  I knew that we were going to have to wait until Tuesday to get the test results.  Joey could tell that I was about to lose it. And I think he was going a little batty as well.  So we went to the grocery store to just do something.  As we were unloading the groceries I got a call from an "unknown" number on my phone and I knew....
It was the call we had been waiting for and yet the call that we were dreading- but didn't know it.
"Hi, this is Julie from the Huntsman Cancer Institute.  Unfortunately our test results do show that you do have breast cancer.  You have what we call invasive ductal carcinoma and it has spread to the lymph nodes. I'm sorry."
And I thank her! I thank her because I finally have the answer to the test.  I thank her because I will be able to sleep at night.  And I think. . . . I just thanked her for telling me that I have cancer.
But the waiting was over and it was time to BE BRAVE!
We gathered our kids together and talked to them.  And they were so Brave! I am sure that it is scary to think that your mom has cancer.  I would have really struggled with that news when I was their age, but they were so Brave!

Just stay calm

September 18
Mammogram time! I wasn't really nervous.  I knew there was a lump, but I didn't think anything other than a short visit was in store.  After the mammogram, the technician told me that I needed to have my pictures reviewed by a doctor before I could go.  Now my anxiety started to set in.  From there I was taken straight to ultrasound. Two residents performed the ultrasound and then went to get their lead physician.  After he performed the ultrasound he told me that I had a mass that was concerning and that I had two lymph nodes that were enlarged.  He said that we needed to perform a biopsy.  At this point I am trying to tell myself to stay calm.  I asked him if we scheduled it for next week and he said they would do it right then.  Now I was freaking out. 
I called Joey.  But I had to use the phone in the ultrasound room since my phone was in a locker where I had changed for the mammogram.  He answered and kept me calm and told me that it would be okay.  He was with me through anything.  I then called my dad and mom to let them know what was going on.  By this point they had everything ready for the biopsy.  The biopsy was ultrasound guided and they numbed the areas where they were extracting samples.  I tried to stay calm.  I knew something was wrong by the way the staff communicated with me.  Normally they would tell a patient that all of this was routine procedure and not to worry.  They would ease their concerns and give them a sense of peace.  Not today.  Nurses would pat my leg and tell me how strong I looked.  They kept asking me how I was holding up.  They asked if I needed another blanket.  The mood was gloomy and I didn't get comfort or reassurance.  When they tried to biopsy the lymph nodes it was quite difficult.  In fact, they finally brought pathology up so that they could verify directly under the microscope if the samples were viable.  I was bandage up and sent back to the mammogram room.
Yup now after the biopsy I went through another mammogram for more pictures.  And I was bleeding all over the mammogram machine! And I just kept telling myself to stay calm, but I knew something wasn't right.  I left with instructions to take Tylenol and ice the area and not to lift anything with my left arm. 
I went straight to the airport to wait for Joey. His flight was due to land in one hour and I needed my husband.  In the meantime, I sat and waited at Park and Wait.  And my dad showed up to give me a hug and reassure me that I have him in my corner with his cancer expertise and fatherly love.
And the moment I saw Joey at the curb by the terminal. . . . I lost it.  I needed my husband.  I needed him to hold me, protect me, and shelter me from everything I had just been through. I knew at that moment that he would help me find a way to be BRAVE!

Brave Beginnings

September 16th-
     Today I went to see my family doctor.  At 38 you wonder if you should be concerned when you find a lump in your breast.  I knew I wouldn't get a mammogram until I was 40, but I was concerned enough that I thought it was worth checking.  My doctor didn't seem overly concerned.  Regardless, a mammogram was ordered.  Joey was headed out of town the next day and I was not anticipating hearing from anyone too soon, but the Huntsman Center called me the next morning and scheduled an appointment for Wednesday.  Joey would be out of town, but it was just a mammogram right?