Weather the Storm

Today this all becomes very real. It is chemo time..... I haven't slept well in three nights and felt very nervous as we drove up to the cancer center. Last night I was just staring at the fireplace snuggling with the dogs while the family was sleeping. I had so many thoughts going through my head and it was calming to read messages on Facebook and just enjoy the quiet and really listen to my spirit. I realize that throughout my life I have had a roller coaster ride with my spirituality. I love my Savior and what he has done and is still doing for me daily. I feel my Father's love more than ever and I can't help but think and with some regret wonder if this is Him teaching me a lesson. Hard lesson! For 12 years I have had mixed feelings about the Priesthood. Admittedly most of my negative thoughts came from a cynical and unhealthy place. I would sit in lessons or talks on the Priesthood and roll my eyes because there was no Priesthood in my home. I have many friends that walk many different paths and I understand that this topic may be uncomfortable, but I feel compelled to share just a touch of my recent experiences. During the past 12 years I was often humbled as I was reminded

of my gratitude for the Priesthood as my dad and brother often gave me and my children sweet blessings. And Bishop King was my go to at many points in the past five years. And then I would doubt again. I was a strong, independent woman who didn't need a man. And yet, I did! More importantly I needed Joey. I needed to pull myself out of my pity party and needed to start to look for tender mercies. 

After I finished the biopsy and we were waiting for results I almost fell apart from the waiting and wondering. In my heart I just knew. After the diagnosis was confirmed I reviewed the greatest blessing of comfort. Heavenly Father told me that this would be a long and hard road, but that I was strong and that I would live. Nothing has ever hit me stronger! Everyone has commented on how I could possibly be so positive. I have a great support system. My parents are GOLD!! Joey keeps me looking at the bright side of hard situations. But most of all that blessing helped me feel confident that I would beat this and that has made all the difference in my approach.

On our drive to the Huntsman Cancer Center we pass the building where my Aunt LaRue lived for as long as I could remember. Today she gave me great comfort and strength as I thought of her example and legacy. She lived to be over a hundred and was an amazing woman. She was a volunteer at LDS hospital for many, many years and I wish she could be at the hospital today. She used to have a saying, "Look for one good thing every day". Today the good thing to remember is that the chemo is killing the cancer cells. 

My mom came to visit me during the infusion and stopped on the way up to the hospital at Jamba Juice. This is my treat so that I don't taste the chemo! Thank you to Dave and Kathy Layton for the gift card and the advice on what to drink while getting the chemo! You are my other parents and I feel your love and prayers.

I have HER2+ Breast Cancer which means that my cancer cells are growing extra protein receptors. The cells keep getting signals to grow. The cells grow faster and become wild and uncontrolled. Taxotere is one of the chemo medicines that they will be using. This drug stops the cells from growing extra protein receptors. It stops cell division and the hope is that is that it will slow or hopefully stop the cancer cells. 

Carboplatin is the other chemo drug and it is designed to stop cancer cells from multiplying. These are the medicines that I will receive for 18 weeks. 

Herceptin is also given in conjunction with the other two drugs, but it also will continue for an entire year. This medicine is targeted to attack cancer cells but it leaves healthy cells alone. The other drugs kill good and bad cells. It attaches to the cancer cells and effectively tells that cell to not reduplicate. At the same time it encourages your immune system to attack the cells that the Herceptin has attached itself to during the infusion process. 

Herceptin was the first infusion and it takes 90 minutes. We didn't actually get started until 12:15. So we were waiting for awhile. The medicine, Taxotere, takes 3 hours to administer. They go slowly to reduce the risk of an allergic reaction to the medicine. Following the taxotere the Carboplatin takes 30 minutes. But before they infuse the draw blood, check the blood in the lab and mix the chemo. We start the process at 9 am for labs and doctors visits, but the chemo meds didn't start until 12:15 and we were done at 4:30. 

I also use lidoderm cream on the port an hour before I get to the hospital. This numbs the skin on the port for the infusion. The port is located high on my chest almost to my neck and clearly protrudes. You cover the area with plastic wrap to let the cream soak in and to prevent it from getting on your clothes.

In order to prepare for today they started me on heavy steroids to boost my immune system. These make me very awake AND not a very nice person. I have been edgy and short with those around me. Sorry! But I see the benefits as yesterday I felt like I had a cold approaching. I have been trying to encourage my students to use hand sanitizer and On Guard is my closet friend. I have my chemo bag ready to go: lemon drops, blanket, book, mints, gum, Chapstick, lifesavers, a book, my iPad, etc. My sub for my classroom is lined up and ready to go. Thank you Kathryn.... You are amazing! I will miss my son's football banquet. :( I am going to Thanksgiving this weekend with Moe and MiKell's family. My first Thanksgiving with my new family and I will be sick.... :( But I am ready and feel like I have lined everything up. 

Once we arrived in Clinic 3A, which feels like a second home. We know all the staff here now and they are just an extension of our family. Jill started our first procedure.... Drawing blood from the port. Talk about an intense procedure. They have to be very sterile because the port goes straight into the vein in the chest wall. They clean it with a sterile cleaner and draw out blood first and discard that before they draw the actual blood. I didn't feel a thing! But they make me look away so that my breath doesn't contaminate the area. Then they flush it so that there isn't any blood clotting. And cover it until the infusion. 

As we were leaving the clinic they have baskets of crocheted hats that a lady makes for chemo patients and I chose my favorite!

We met with Dr. Ward and Ann to review the procedure and review all the medicines that I will take for nausea. He was so excited to see Joey and was so impressed that he hasn't missed an appointment. He told him he deserved a gold star. I'm not sure if he realized what he was saying, because I'm sure that for the next month Joey will remind me that he is a GOLD STAR husband!! 

Then they sent me down to the 2nd floor infusion room. What a view! 

I have a pod looking out over the valley... Rainy out there today. We have our own TV/DVD player. We are watching "A Few Good Men". I have my drink of water, Jamba Juice, lemon drops, lip gloss, blanket (they have heated ones!), a good book, pink fuzzy socks and my iPod! I took more steroids upon getting here and  anti nausea meds. You have about 40 minutes to wait for them to mix your chemo. The guy next to me couldn't use a port and bless his heart they have been trying to find a vein to use for over 30 minutes. I guess after so many treatments this is a side effect. Makes me grateful for my port!! Pray for him! Bless him!

So I'm done with today. And as we drive home there is a storm rolling in along the Wasatch Front. Time to head home and prepare for the side effects that may or may not occur. I will wrap up in a blanket and let Joey take care of the house and me. It is time to weather the storm..... Both the weather and the cancer! 

I am ready physically for my hair to fall out. I am sick of my short hair and I am ready to embrace my cute scarfs, wigs and hats. I feel more like myself with my long hair even if it is a wig. Sheridan Mordue is co-owner of my favorite store, Hip and Humble, and I went and bought 4 adorable hats. Sheridan posted my photo on their Facebook page. I have known Sheridan since we were mini Bountiful Stars wearing our purple sequin. 

Thank you Tori for the adorable scarfs and aromatherapy kit! You have made me beautiful for years by giving me sexy eyelashes. And now you are still making me feel sexy. I can't wait until the day I can get my lash extensions back on!! (I know.... The vain side of me!) 

My dad's cousin, Colleen who lives in Colorado came to visit my parents on Sunday. She has been reading the blog and gave me an amazing gift. My dad's grandma was an amazing, talented quilter and the talent has passed on to Colleen. She made this quilt and the picture does not do it justice. The amount of effort and time and skill that went into this work of art is so humbling. And flew from Colorado to deliver the gift just shows me how my support group extends far beyond my comprehension. Thank you Colleen. This will be a family heirloom and I am so grateful for your hard work and generosity.