Fantastic Four or is it???

Today is Chemo #4! That means I am on the downhill slope. I was all giddy with excitement and then at the doctor's appointment before I was reminded that radiation is still in the wings and the Herceptin infusion is for an entire year. So I will be coming here until next November. I just hope I don't go into 2015. I don't think my pocketbook can handle meeting my 3 tier deductible for three years in a row. But I guess if anyone in our family needs a surgery this is the year to do that!

But I am happy and optimistic knowing that the chemo that makes me sick will be done by the end of March. And I anticipate that this time around will be easier (#3 was the easiest so far!) As I arrived at the hospital today I started to recognize fellow cancer friends and it is comforting to share our stories and symptoms. And the secretaries and nurses all know that I am crazy by now and we all make jokes and laugh. The hardest part about these days is the waiting...

We come early for lab work so they can check my blood. (40 minutes) Today he said my blood was like gold! Ready to pump in the poison! 

Then we wait to meet with the doctor (40 minutes) and review medicine, symptoms and future plans. Then we wait to get a chair in the infusion room (1 hour). Then we wait for the lab to mix the chemo. (70 minutes) Then they infuse... (4 hours)! 

I have had some exciting things happen in the past few weeks. I have received cute cards and pedicures, wheat grass, and even a Pez dispenser (Thanks Carla!) And Brittany brought me the cutest scarf and magnet and notecards that are in this cute holder that says BRAVE! And an adorable head wrap from my sweet mother-in-law, Anita and she even sent some healthy alternative remedies. I love that after all these years I still have a relationship with her. And some of the sweetest things are the Facebook messages and uplifting articles and stories that you all share with me. 

Here are a few of the most recent: 

Danna brought me a book on breast cancer that is so right up my ally. She shares the sassy side of cancer with no holds barred! And a few choice swear words intermingled!! I love this book. Such a humorous read during this time. 

Candance and Lindsay Turner are always reminding me to be brave. They are great cheerleaders! Thank you everyone for the constant encouragement. I feel humbled and overwhelmed by love and kindness. 

I am sure I am forgetting someone or something.... I promise I will remember when chemo isn't coursing through my veins and I'll make sure I mention your good deeds. I feel like it spreads good vibes for others to look around and find someone to pay it forward. 

I really have little to complain about. My eyes are the most annoying problem right now. They are over producing due to dryness and so I'm always crying tears! But really they are just watering. But I'm sure that my students just think I'm so sad about Ralph telling the boys in Lord of the Flies to call Piggy by his nickname! And yesterday my skin started to have a yellow/green tint to it. This is from the chemo and is nothing serious, but for my vanity it sucks! My lashes are almost gone and my eyebrows have holes. They are probably only noticeable to me but I'm not well practice in filling in the holes and most mornings I spend more time re-glueing my eyelashes and doing my brows than I ever spent doing my hair!

Despite these minor annoyances I feel great and love my life. I love my support network which includes students, parents of students, neighbors, friends, church leaders, teaching friends, my many parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmas, children, friends of children, my husband, his co-workers and friends, and most of all my belief and trust in a higher being. 

Chemo #4 will be fantastic and I am three weeks closer to being done and a being a survivor. 

And then......

We had 15 minutes left of the last bag of IV fluids. And I started to have chest pains and left arm pain and struggled breathing. My blood pressure shot to 155 over 100 and my pulse was 130. My face was bright red and they suspected a pulmonary embolism or an allergic reaction to the medicine. Joey told me at 12:30 am as we were leaving that he was very concerned when I was "crashing" (his choice of words). He was scared and very panicked. I would have never known this. As my rock he held my hand and rubbed my neck and reassured me over and over. Needless to say the nurses did NOT hide their panic. They (five medical staff members) began treating me for an allergic reaction through my port and when they pains didn't subside I was sent off to the ER for blood tests, ct scan and an ultrasound and lots more waiting. We arrived at the ER at 6 pm and began tests that lasted until midnight. All the tests came back as no blood clot so we will proceed as if there is an allergic reaction that has developed to the carboplatin. Or this could mean lymphedema. If it is an allergic reaction that means 2 hours longer for the next infusions so the can monitor the reaction and treat with Benadryl and more steroids. But it was 1 am before we got to our house. Such a long day! Joey ate hospital food for dinner... Boo! And Tammy Davis had dinner waiting for us... Lunch tomorrow? And so where I was feeling so positive I now feel disheartened as I may have to add one more chemo session. And they will be longer and not as pleasant. And I will try to keep my spirits high but maybe for just tonight I will let Joey hold me and I can cry in his arms. What a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad 4th Chemo.