Last night as I was headed back to the vet for our fourth visit this week this song came on the radio:
The past few days have tested my emotions and physical stamina in new ways. I don't understand why.... My heart is aching.... And I haven't stopped crying.
Our sweet, perfect, tiny puppy developed some complications and she passed away this morning.
Thank you to Dr. Joe for trying everything to save her. And for holding and comforting our family. I don't think life is always very fair. She was so cute and would snuggle next to my neck. She loved curling up on Joey's shoulder. She gave tender kisses on your chin. She just wasn't big enough and strong enough to fight anymore.
Sweet Mikayla posted this online last night and it helps to try to put things in perspective:
I keep thinking about what more I could have done. I feel broken. I know that I did everything I could, but that doesn't stop the doubts from creeping in.
And then there is my strong husband who despite his attempts to not cry just held me in his arms and we cried together. He reminded me that she was a perfect soul- a perfect spirit. And sometimes we are chosen to host these sweet animals before they move on. I agree with this because I want her peaceful, happy, and strong. But it doesn't make it any easier. I wanted to have her here for me. (That sounds so selfish)
I know that for some people she is a just a dog. But she was our baby in such a short time. So today while my brain is trying to comprehend and wonder why.... My heart is actually hurting and wrenching with anguish...My mom side is trying to hold it together and show a brave face but I end up sobbing hysterically. And I am slowly processing this loss and just fold into my husband's arms and find a way to overcome this challenge. I won't shatter.... Although right now I feel broken. I am grateful for the knowledge I have regarding life after death and it is comforting. It hasn't eased the pain right now, but eventually I will process this hard thing and overcome this shattered moment and pull myself together again.
I am grateful for what is…hope and faith, knowledge of the gospel, umbrella of family and friends and ward, memories, love, your example. Your pain is a reflection of how much you loved and cared…grieve and let go when it's right and see anew:-) Sending you an email…with love, Anita
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. Lisa I am so, so sorry. I have no words. I love you guys!
ReplyDeleteLisa, while I know you have no idea who I am, I want you to know that I feel your pain about your sweet pups passing. Animals find a special cuddle place in a heart that feels very empty when they are gone. I'm so so sorry!
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to thank you for writing about your fight against cancer. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on October 5th 2012, and much of the time feel very much alone in my fight...since I came across your blog, I have felt just a little less alone.
Thanks so much!!