Intimacy

The title may suggest that this blog will be rated for adults, but it is more about true love. Joey and I have only been married for 8 months and intimacy wasn't ever an issue for us. One of my fears was that losing my chest would alter this form of intimacy. It isn't as much of an issue for couples who have been together forever, but it was one of my secret fears. Joey reassured me, and still does.... But it is hard to ignore the obvious when I look down and see huge scars going horizontally from my armpit to the center of my torso. 

And that is when Joey reminds me of how true our love is. He holds my hand, even if an IV gets in the way. He pulls the chair in the hospital right next to my bed, even if he might be in the nurse's way. He kisses me on the forehead. He hugs me gently. He rubs my feet. He tells me how beautiful I am. He shows his love in everything he does and says. 

I have four drains that are in place for 2 weeks. These are for the swelling and to prevent infection. They have to be drained at home. Joey does this for me. I don't know if I could do this for someone. He is gentle where the drain enters my body as he ensures that there are no blood clots in the lines. He has to measure and dictate after each draining session. He has never once complained. This is true love. This isn't about boobs or sex.... This is about truly caring for the woman you love.

And he showers me, which is the greatest part of my days. It takes a lot out of me, but it feels so good to be clean. And you know that it is true, deep love when you can let someone wash your bum. And soap up my body.... And my body does not look attractive right now. I have odd swelling in weird places. I have hairy legs and armpits. I have tubes that he has to be cautious of. My left arm can't be raised. He has to deal with my OCD issues of water near my eyes. 

Most couples have a lifetime to build their love. Ours has been put on fast forward. I am so grateful that he is my husband and  our rock in the family. And 8 months feels like 8 years. It is a selfless job to be a caretaker. He gives and gives and doesn't ask for anything in return. I sometimes see his stress when he is sitting quietly and I know that he is carrying the weight if the world right now.... But he makes me feel loved and beautiful in a time when it is hard to feel sexy. Intimacy is different for us, but I've never felt closer to anyone.